You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
This house was built for laser tag.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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