Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
