If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Send help, water and tortillas.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I deserve to be covered in dicks
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
