i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
