I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
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