You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
