this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
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We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
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well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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