My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Randomize
