I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
