Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
