When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
