If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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