i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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