i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
