Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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