the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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