38 yer olds are good kisserssss
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
