what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
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My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
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we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.