TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket