"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
