I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
