If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
it's like heaven, but drunker
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE