she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I will pee on everything he values.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.