I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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