This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Randomize
