i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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