just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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