I need help removing her.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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