Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
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Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
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I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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