I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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