hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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