I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Randomize
