Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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