Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
So apparently I’m into choking now
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
