wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
