so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
