I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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