The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Dick very happy bro
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
