shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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