Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
