We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
