he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
