ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
