You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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