bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
do herpes really smell.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Randomize
