Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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