We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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