I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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