Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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