He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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