Heybabeimwearingurpanties
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
