Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
