Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Randomize
