I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
