I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
