does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Randomize
