This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
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