You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
