I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
