I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
