I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
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