When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
