I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I wish i was in the wii world.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
