Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
