i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I need to stop coming to work sober
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
They are going to name an STD after you.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
