someone get that fucking seahorse.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Randomize
