We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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