do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
