I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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