While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
