Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
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We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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