Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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