I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
