It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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