stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
