I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
