never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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