Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
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