I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
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