Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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