im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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