I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
