forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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