all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
