There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
