he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
