I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
worst night to have a conscience
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
