the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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