I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
The beer is more important than you right now.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
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