I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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