id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
