My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Randomize
