i would punch a child for taco bell
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
