i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
don't judge my taste in strippers
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
