Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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