i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
