worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
