i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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