i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Randomize
