What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
3 2 1 whiskey
Let's get the cat blown out
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
